Oh, the Horror!

I am REALLY hissed off. I was requesting my breakfast when that woman put the PTU in the kitchen. It doesn't go there. Then, she got behind me. Of course, I growled a warning. She grabbed me and tried to shove ME into the PTU! That's no way for a servant treat her Queen!

Well, I nearly bit her and squirmed loose, then ran under the rocking chair. She followed, but couldn't see me. Success!

... or not. She got too close and I hissed. I couldn't help myself! This time, she grabbed me, wrapped me in a blanket and stuffed me into the carrier. I fought and growled and hissed, but this time she had me.

As I settled into one ANGRY caged cat lump, I noticed something completely insulting: The blanket is full of cat hair... VICTOR's cat hair! What NERVE that woman has, wrapping me in HIS blanket!

We spent HOURS* in that monster on wheels and then the vet's office was full of squillions** of nasty DOGS! The first and smallest I could have beaten up with one paw tied behind my back. He was yapping his fool head off. Stoopid noisy dog was getting his hoohaa-ectomy! Serves him right, hurting my poor kitty ears. He'll get what's coming to him!

First she wants me in the cage, then she wants me out. Make up your mind, woman! Usually, I like my vet, but NOT today. I was NOT in the mood to cooperate. I hid my vein as best I could and tried not to give any blood, but she cheated and took it from my neck. Then they talked about my fur. Specifically, they pulled on the mats in my fur. THAT HURTS! And who said "fat?" I'm NOT fat.

Well, I was carried away and left alone awhile, then the torturers got me out again and as angry as I was, somehow I fell asleep! I don't usually sleep while on guard duty! What kind of Attack Tabby would I be then?

I woke alone and caged again. Bleh! What's that nasty taste? Ow! What's in my neck? Hey! Who brushed out my mats? I didn't say you could do that! And WHO TRIMMED MY CLAWS???

After hours*** of abandonment and neglect, someone presented my carrier. Home? Can I go home now? Really? Take me home. NOW!!!

It was only the woman, but she's an adequate chauffeur. I didn't even yell at her and maybe the blanket was a little comforting, smelling of home. My man was waiting for me with food (it's about time!) and respect.

That stoopid cowcat was still here, too. Do you know what he did? He got in my face trying to sniff me, then, of all the nerve! He PUFFED UP at me! I was only growling a bit, sort of letting him sniff, and he got booshy!! Excuse me?

Well, I'm glad that's over with. I'm queen of the computer room again. They say I have to go back for another "de-scaling" in a year. What do you think I am, a fish? Oh, and they have the woman putting something in my food so my joints won't ache as much****. Then I'll be able to groom properly and won't get matted again.

The vet confirmed once again that I'm very healthy. Grumpy and difficult, but healthy. And about that Victor... She explained to my STOOPID woman that when he pokes his paw at me, he's teasing me. DUH! WHY do you think I've been so upset by it? You don't like to be teased, do you? I didn't think so. Now keep that food out where I can find it and leave me the HISS alone.

Chase? I'm ready for some comfort now. You're the only one who truly understands how I feel.

* 15 minutes, tops. We hit every green, even.
** 4 dogs. One was panting and one was barking.
*** She was there 9 hours, not even overnight.
**** Cosequin. BTW, Vet says treats with Glucosamine don't have a large enough dose to be effective.