Wednesday, February 01, 2006

Feline Tub Hockey Training

Alright, all you fat cats. I have a rigorous training schedule to get you in purrfect shape for the upcoming tub hockey season. I want to turn you lazy house cats into lean, mean hockey machines!

I'll be checking in from time to time to track your progress. I expect to see a catalog of your activities. Remember to follow your prescribed diet and use your pet humans as much as possible.

Daily Activities:
  • Personal Hygiene (Please!)
  • Warm Up Stretches
  • Run Laps (bedroom to kitchen before breakfast will get you fed, too)
  • Claw Sharpening
  • Stalking, Pouncing, and Ambush
  • Fishing for Attention (good for treats)
  • Batting Practice (using a variety of objects)

Every Other Day:

  • Full Body Massage alternating with Belly Rubs
  • Spinning and/or Step Aerobics alternating with Pilates
  • High Jump alternating with Long Jump
  • Yoga and other forms of Meditation alternating with Bird Watching
  • Wrestling alternating with Boxing

Late Night Activities:

  • Chorus
  • Jump Ups
  • Counter Surfing

As Available:

  • Bug Hunting (also a snack)
  • Bird Watching
  • Sun Bathing
  • Blogging, of course!

Naturally, your most important activities are still eating, sleeping, eating, staring at nothing, sleeping, eating, and tormenting your humans. Feel free to improvise. I expect to see improvement by our first practice. Any questions or comments?


  1. Nope, I think I've got it. I'll do my best. (I have no steps, I'm already 6, and my mom uses a wheely chair.)

  2. GK just got kicked out of the gym. I am not sure how he would react to more exercise.

    He loves to watch other kitties get active though.

  3. can we wrestle and box efurry day? we like doing that lots.

  4. Beau, sounds like you can do spinning instead of steps. Beans do it on a bike that goes nowhere; maybe you can borrow your mom's wheelie chair?

    Gigolo Kitty, maybe he can coach like me. I sit back and tell Victor what to do.

    Meezers, sure thing! It builds muscle and gets your hearts pumping. But no biting!

    Keep up the good work and don't forget catnaps!

  5. Whut about us cheerleaders? We don't have to do all the exercising stuff does we?

  6. Victor, your sis is a tough cookie, I am glad she is not here bossing me around.
    This all sounds way too energetic for a senior cat of rotund proportions such as myself.

  7. Cheerleaders, what you need is "flare". Chose the tasks that make you, as Mom's Spanish teacher put it, muy alegre: happy, cheerful, full of life.

    Fat Eric, tho you'd make a great bouncer, perhaps we could use you in marketing or promotions. BTW, how are things with cute little Athena?

  8. Fat Eric, shhh. Don't tell her I said so, but even though Bonnie acts tough, she's really a pussycat once you get to know her. I ignore her and just do what I wanted to anyway, and she runs off in a huff.

  9. What a taskmaster. Where is my snuggle time??? Glad that I am the reporter, hehehe.

  10. LOL, mom is working with Blackie, but he just wants to drink water out of the faucet!

    Mom posted my story...come read about me!

    Tannie Man,
    The Whippy Curly Tails in the Toasty South!

  11. Derby, I guess that's tormenting humans, if you must. I don't do laps or snuggles.

    Blackie, I'm a firm believer in water fresh from the source. We wouldn't want to become de-hide-rated; I've gone to the vet for that twice now. Drink up, then practice.

  12. Bonnie and Victor's Mom - I posted a long answer about feliway and stuck it in the comments where you asked about it. Here's a link to the post so you don't have to work to hunt the right place down. LOL
    Sanjee and Boni and Mini's Mom

  13. Geez, seems like a lot to ask of us, but mostly fun activities...ok, I'm in!

  14. i've been practicin' with my purple crinkle ball in the tub every day! and lotsa high jumps!

  15. What about chasing rabbits? does that count as a daily activity?

  16. Oh, Edsel, I loves crinkle balls. And tinsel balls. I brought Mom 4 of them in bed Saturday before she got up to play.

    Carmen! Nice to meet you at last. You can chase rabbits? Lucky kitty! Alla bunnies at my house are outside with the squirrels and birds and voles and mice and chipmunks. Sounds like great exercise AND fun.