Victor Tabbycat was in court Friday morning, facing charges of assault and battery against a houseplant. The courtroom was filled with cats declaring Victor’s innocence and carrying signs reading, “Free Victor”.
Kukka-Maria had organized a picket line pacing outside the door. Princess Mia Bella was handing out buttons and collecting last minute names for her petition to free Victor. Finnegan J. Katz, Esq., council for the defense, sat calmly next to the defendant, who twitched his tail nervously.
The courtroom quieted for the judge to enter, but the picketers were still chanting, “Let My Feline Go.” The judge cried out, “What’s all that caterwauling?” Someone closed the door, but there followed a few minutes of cats moving in and out the door indecisively before efurryone settled.
During opening arguments, the judge asked Victor his age. Upon learning that Victor is not 18 (months old) yet, the case was transferred to the juvenile feline justice system.
Messrs. Tabbycat and Katz met privately with a juvenile detention agent after their 1pm nap. In light of the excellent defense prepared by Mr. Katz and Mr. Tabbycat’s sincere apology for his actions, the juvenile agent determined the event was an unfortunate accident. She released Victor to his bean parents’ custody. Victor is required to participate in play therapy three times a week and write a Public Service Announcement (PSA) for the benefit of other young cats. He will meet with a parole agent in one month to consider his progress.
Case dismissed.
